five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
