Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
