Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i think im in europe. pls send help
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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