so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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