Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
