your thong is hanging out like whoa
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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