btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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