it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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