The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
