dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
