If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
