if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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