i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
