He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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