fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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