so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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