I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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