susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
