Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
