just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
