He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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