I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
