She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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