Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
