I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
