just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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