So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
