All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
