I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
