I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
