Having a random hookup so left but love u
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
