Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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