Nicole vs. Life
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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