I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
