I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
