I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
