Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
