Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
how does that bad decision feel?
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