You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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