your thong is hanging out like whoa
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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