Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
