genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
