Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
