I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
