just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
