How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
