Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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