everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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