She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
