Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
