K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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