If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
