So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
