I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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