We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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